#I hate to leave them every year

[flower-fields-in-springtime]

Daily Summaries :

Monday-

Everyone was getting there, it was the first day so i sort of just hung out with my friend I arrived with on sunday. The first day is usually pretty slow and boring. We went and got subway for lunch and I was able to meet a few new people:))

Tuesday -

The second day was much more interesting. Our campaign had begun and after evening chapel they did the thing where two people slap each other in the face with tortillas and water in their mouth. I volunteered to do it with someone, won, and now I can proudly say that was the strangest way I’ve ever made a friend

Wednesday-

Wednesday was also pretty good. It was the heaviest topic of the week though. Sexuality and sexual sin. That nights devo had me almost in tears tbh. Anyway, the day was good, very fun, idk nothing significant happened besides me giving the person I met my “RI♡︎T” bracelet for the night.

Thursday-

THURSDAY WAS WILD, MY LORD—

I got my bracelet back, he never took it off 💀💀

during the time where you’d go be by yourself and pray/connect with god or whatever, I decided to work on a UFO cuff. After that time was over everyone came back to the mess hall, which I never left.. after I finished the cuff me and a few other people made some singles, some were matching.

during this, one of the people in our group showed me this

and asked me which one I was. I replied with yellow, green or white. then they showed that person I’d met before and I asked which one he thought I was. He replied with something along the lines of “i’m not gonna say🤡”

which like, damn just lie. How obvious can you be 💀💀

at some other point during the day I’s been complaining ab how my eyes felt sticky (because of they eyeliner I was wearing), and he goes “that’s because you wear like, 10 pounds of makeup.” And everyone was acting like he was genuinely on drugs or something because I literally only ever wear eyeliner😭🙏

but like, thanks tbh. Best compliment I’ve ever received. And it was an accident 💀

anyway, after that was all done with me and that person ended up like resting our head on the table because GOD DAYUM camp is tiring 😔😔😔

i did this with one of my friends the previous camp week as well so I didn’t think much of it until his hat was placed on my head😀🔫…..

anyway, I ended up moving because they had started the last session w/out me, and he followed, which I was expecting tbh. I had been listening to music and the song “Do I Wanna Know” by Arctic Monkeys started playing, and I guess I’d checked the time or something because is was on my phone screen and whenever he saw the song he got all excited. I offered him an earbud and he accepted it, so we ended up listening to my spotify together for a while. I had a sweater on and got a bit warm, so I took it off and set it on the table, and he goes and is like “i’m cold I’m gonna put this on.” And I can’t even object because like— i genuinely dont know 💀💀💀like I just didn’t care 🤡

After the campaign ends we end up scribbling all over my stats sheet.

I go take a piss and when I get back we have to go outside for prayer before dinner (Mind you I’m still wearing the hat—). I get outside and go to the end of the line where my other friends are and one of them brings it to my attention that it looks like me and the other guy are dating, which like, it had come up in my thoughts but I thought it was fine because like, I do this sort of thing with all my friends. And he’s like, “do you really want him to ask you out??,:\” because he’s genuinely looking out for me, and I respond, “I-I don’t know?… Not really?”

and so he tells me to give the hat back, but I argue saying that I like the hat and I look good in a hat(god save my soul💀).

anyway, after dinner I give him my phone, because by this point we were still listening to music. When I have him the phone it was playing my roller blading playlist. When I got it BACK, however… it was playing this one:

Granted, it was playing the one cavetown song that he knew, but like, that song is on most of my playlists… pretty sure it’s on my roller blading playlist, idk though.

My OTHER friend eventually took the hat from me and gave it back, which like. I was disappointed. It was a nice hat.

anyway, after that whole everything was pointed out to me, I did notice that he was following me around. Like, we had been doing um… this

((the person in the picture is the guy who took the hat and talked to me before dinner))

and whenever they told me to get in, idk why but they let the other rat push the car thingy. He purposefully CRASHED the damn thing and I fell backwards into the grass kinda hard, like it hurt. I have a bruise on my hip now 😭

and during evening chapel, we had a strong feeling he’d try to sit next to me, so my friend in the picture and our camp mother sat on either side of me for that.

after chapel was prayer circle. Everyone holds hands in the field and we do prayer requests, blah blah. I got there before he did, was already holding hands with two people, and he comes up behind us and like literally TRIES to get un next to me😭

worst part about that situation is that I HESITATED, like I almost willingly allowed it to happen 🤡

but i left and went to another part of the circle instead.

After prayer there was a baptism. We all went down to the pool, then I realized i was on the outside of two of my friends, and as soon as I realized that gave him an opening I was like “lemme get in the middle 😰🙏🙏🙏”

craziest part of the night was after all this when at one point we were like bullying each other and he said something about “that was my goal” when I said sm about like idk making me dislike him. Which, I thought was HILARIOUSLY IRONIC after the events of the day.

that night most of us stayed up until like 5 am doing this prank in the mess hall using bamboo shafts, styrofoam cups, and string lights to make Christmas in July

Which, these are pictures of what that was like without me exposing any of my friends to the internet 🤡🤡🤡

We went to the ball field, checked out this abandoned house, went back to the bath house and napped until 6, which is when we went back to our cabin and slept ti like 8.

Friday-

honestly I hated this day so much

I didn’t get to even say goodbye to like, half of my friends because they left without saying. I didn’t get all the contact information I wanted, and now I’m feeling very hollow and upset because I’m not gonna be able to see most of these people for another year. Some of them I may not even see then. I rotted in bed for a whole day and a half after and cried today because of how awful I feel after leaving. It feels like some sort of withdrawal and I hate it.

Lyric of the day:

“Didn’t give me time to say goodbye in the way that I wanted to

So honey, close your eyes and stay like you’re supposed to do

Don’t you wanna give me time to write another song for you? // Don’t know how I’m gonna stay alive without, but I’ll stay strong for you”

Pigeon - Cavetown

❦…༄꧂ミ★

[casualavocados]

You've never done that when I got close to you before. Why? None of your business. Tell me, or you can't leave.

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10

[backpackingspace]

I am once again thinking about how odysseus who witnessed the horrors that the captured women went through (one of his main duties in the iliad was taking the women back home and making sure they were as comfortable as possible and safe because he was the only one trusted not to violate them further due to his devotion to penelope. And in the odyssey part of the reason circe sent him to the underworld was so that he'd have to listen to all these women's stories (before he could talk to the prophet) ). Who was one of the few that saw women as people and respected their space and opinions. And was then put in those exact same situations. I don't have the motivation right now to do a full literary analysis of this (I'll site the sources too) but oh man one day I'm going to write a full essay on this.

[darlin-collins]

darlin looking at bright eyes (but it's me looking at my middle child cousin)

[strawberrymangosoda]

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.

[spywhitney]

How I sleep knowing I'll never trust anyone that hates Sydney but worships Richie:

[idekwtf-is-happening]

Damien’s currently getting cancelled on Twitter for *checks to make sure I’m reading this shit right* apologizing for a joke he made five years ago where he mentioned the conflict in Gaza

[icewindandboringhorror]

Little "bouquet" of random flowers I found growing wild in a yard

[blashdafish]

save me the new has teacher is making us write songs abt what we're learning instead of studying for some reason and everyones just using the fucking music ai :( again :( i hate this

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[gwensy]

deadbeat daughter gwen stacy is this anything

[girlivealwaysbean]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[dreamlogic]

got a good grade at the dentist today against all odds 😇 it's been uuuhhhh 8 years since my last check-up (i know, i know, i have a final boss-sized mental block against dental care), but i have NO new cavities, only a tiny bit of gum recession, and LESS gum inflammation than my last visit! all i need is a basic cleaning, to have a couple existing fillings touched up, and to be fitted for a night guard. the hygienist said she was "surprised and impressed" that my mouth was so healthy, which the dentist herself attributed to "very good home care." 😌😏

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

six sentence wednesday

tyyy for the tag @kaleido-scope-lady ! Wow what a last 6 sentences, from a little brainworm about Tesoros time in juvie [ironically not for murder or even a violent crime given what he admits in this first paragraph], and a look at how he sees himself and his moral code [self hatred, so much self hatred. About 60% deserved]

tagging anyone who wants to do this!

He knows what killing someone feels like, sending them to their death or even taking a life with just his bare hands. That's not what scares him, but the idea of the bodies caused by his actions being the bodies of the very people he coated his hands with blood for.

Enough blood that all the perfume in arabia couldn't sweeteen the stink, and all the oceans of the world couldn't wash them clean.

He had thrown out something about coming back later and not intruding, but his walk back to the library was blurry in his mind, disgust at the attacker, and overwhelmingly at himself, overwriting the rest of his recollection.

That was one thing he was enjoying, reading, plenty of time for it, even between the half hearted lessons put on for them. Few people cared for them so the worn piles of book were his to peruse.

[foxgloveinspace]

I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.